Fightstar Grand Unification

UK emo/rock act Fightstar and Trustkill Records have teamed up to bring the band's latest hit album Grand Unification to this side of the ocean, and America might not be ready for them yet. It's not that they're particularly edgy or even creative, just that American mainstream rock is still busy beating a grunge-inspired dead horse, while apparently over in England, they've moved on to beating the barely breathing horse that goes by the name "emo." In reality, it's just piss-poor radio rock that sparingly uses more aggressive rock segments to highlight the whiny choruses. As far as that goes, these guys are practically the Creed of the genre, from the soaring cheeseball choruses to the melodramatic videos. How these guys convinced Deep Elm to release their first album is absolutely beyond me. Grand Unification is the musical equivalent of a painting you might find adorning the wall at a Holiday Inn: It's pleasant enough and technically flawless, but completely and utterly devoid of any personality, soul or sincerity. It's honestly a little disheartening that these records keep getting recorded and released when better bands are breaking up every day because they can't afford to pay their rent. In all of Grand Unification's fourteen tracks, only two even stand out, the first being hit single "Paint Your Target." It's a rousing, anthemic big-budget version of Brand New's "The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows," without any of the meaningful lyrics or emotional gravitas. Just how bad are the lyrics Try this out for size: "I'm sorry enough to tell you that I'm okay and I'm never gonna see you again, AGAIN!!" The other memorable track is one of the disc's mildest; "Open Your Eyes," a lush, orchestrally augmented light rock ballad that wouldn't sound out of place at the end of an episode of Grey's Anatomy, provides the disc's catchiest melody. Pretty much every song on this record starts with clean guitar arpeggios or keyboards that slowly build into the "heavy" chorus, perfect for swaying back and forth and maybe nodding your head to. I've heard more variety in a day's worth of farts than Fightstar's entire musical repertoire. Colin Richardson, the man behind the boards of nearly every Carcass album, produced this record, and to his credit, it sounds perfect. It's one of the most precisely recorded examples of the genre I've ever heard and he even manages to kick up the drumming high enough in the mix to make certain segments sound almost genuinely aggressive. Everything else about the album is really just insufferable. Bottom Line: Because America didn't have enough shitty, over-produced emo/rock acts, Trustkill Records has presented us with the UK's blandest, Fightstar. Grand Unification is one of the most boring albums I've ever received for review purposes and I hope that I never have to hear these guys again.