Had it for less than 24 hours and I've already dropped it into an unflushed urinal at my tax guys place that had about 6"+ of piss water in it. Did my best to scrub it down with soap and water, but it still smells like piss

You need to get your brain checked.

Your tax guys place sounds sketch with that kinda piss level. I only go to tax guys with sub 5" of piss in their urinals.

"Is there some kind of piss incident write-off...?"

You can't afford a phone. Or piss

PISS_DELIVERY_TRUCK blocked your Cricket phone # you f*cking loser

Ding-a-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling! Boo-ba-doo-ba-doop! Boo-ba-doo-ba-doop! Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Piss phone Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Piss phone I've got this feeling, so appealing For us to get together and sing, sing! Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring piss phone Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding diss phone It dunked in inches, It stinks like pisses It's the best! Beats the rest! Cellular, modular, interactivodular! Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring piss phone Boop-boo-ba-doo-ba-doop! Ping pong ping pong ping pong ping piss phone It's no baloney, it ain't a p(h)ony My cellular pissular phone!

Calm down Godfrey