AlbumsNovember 29, 201110,433 views

Dance Club Massacre Feast of the Blood Monsters


Feast of the Blood Monsters
01. Dios Mio! El Diablo es Muy Picante 02. Meet Me in the Pub For a Shot of Dignity 03. Devon Butler's Dying Wishes 04. You Know...You Kinda Look Cute in the Dark 05. Wet Between the Thighs 06. Murders Come With Smiles 07. The Duchess and the Cougar 08. Showdown in San Antonio 09. You Bring the Bitches, I'll Bring the Dynamite 10. You're What the French Call "Les Incompetents"
2007 Black Market Activities
Our score 2

by Nick
9/13/2007

Why, Black Market Activities, why After a recent string of quality releases for the label, they offer up Feast of the Blood Monsters, the debut full-length from Dance Club Massacre. Feast of the Blood Monsters is two parts nu-grind, one part painfully unfunny themes, and an intolerable amount of less than impressive organ parts. This is the half-retarded offspring of Daughters-style grind and an attempted theft of the brilliance of Cursive's The Ugly Organ. It's obvious that this disc is an intended light-hearted effort, but let's be honest, shit is shit no matter what mentalities lie behind it. "Dos Mio! El Diablo es Muy Picante" is a keys-heavy intro that plays off of extremely cheesy horror movie sounds. Boring. "Meet Me in the Pub for a Shot of Dignity" is 53 seconds of overproduced and completely uninteresting nu-grind. Trite. "You know... You Kinda Look Cute in the Dark" is repetitive and relies too heavily on already annoying keyboards in an attempt to be memorable. Garbage. "You Bring the Bitches, I'll Bring the Dynamite" is, well, about as good as the song title. Shit. And then there's the closer, "You're What the French Call 'Les Incompetents'," a track plagued by what may be the worst breakdown written since the deplorable garbage seen in a little number called "I am the Tin Man" (see a now-defunct group by the name of In Harms Way for proper reference). Please stop forming bands like this. Please do not take candy-coated elements of grind and then mix them with trendy metalcore styles and cheesy keyboards. Somebody please cut this off at the source. This is not original. This is not enjoyable. This is a flavor of the year sound that will phase itself out as soon as the "fans" who partake in this nonsense take a small step back and realize the cold, unforgiving truth about this style of music: it is complete and utter shit. Bottom Line: Why, Black Market Activities, why

45 comments

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Jerry Lawler_ 9/13/2007 11:29:53 AM

First post, and jesus christ.

THE TIN MAN_ 9/13/2007 11:33:48 AM

I AM THE TIN MAN!

deadwithfear_ 9/13/2007 11:37:20 AM

AHAHAHAHA. YES! TAKE THAT YOU WORTHLESS SHITDICKS!

diarrhea_ 9/13/2007 11:47:55 AM

GARBAGE DAY!!!

wormed_ 9/13/2007 11:47:56 AM

word.

anonymous 9/13/2007 12:08:37 PM

lo fackin l

BURZUM_ 9/13/2007 12:18:03 PM

QUALITY MUSIC.

daikini_ 9/13/2007 12:24:10 PM

great review... shit like this needs to stop

Nick for Pres in 08 _ 9/13/2007 12:32:34 PM

a 2 was extremely forgiving. The band name itself is a -4.

shockvalue_ 9/13/2007 12:40:58 PM

excellent review

Guy_ 9/13/2007 12:45:12 PM

Sorry about this one guys, I've left the signing privileges to a young intern while I've been on tour. Thanks for your support of BMA generally. I promise this will NOT happen again.

bombs_away_ 9/13/2007 12:52:38 PM

lulz

Fur_Beach_ 9/13/2007 1:07:47 PM

these are some of the shittiest song titles I've ever seen. f*ck this garbage

tomgilk_ 9/13/2007 1:25:39 PM

they were watching home alone while thinking of song titles, eh?

tony_stewart_ 9/13/2007 2:14:41 PM

And the award for the shittiest album of the year goes to.............

kyriakos_ 9/13/2007 2:18:56 PM

BAD BAD BAD

andreas_ 9/13/2007 2:37:16 PM

the f*cking cover art looks like the latest Goosebumps novel...

farts_ 9/13/2007 2:56:13 PM

if that is truely Guy above than that is the greatest thing I have ever read......will tomorrow's news read Dance Club Massacre dropped by Black Market Activities.

Nick_ 9/13/2007 3:01:02 PM

I don't like band, but learn to write a proper review.

wtf_ 9/13/2007 3:32:10 PM

may be a shit band, but also a shit review. seriously, the last like...10 reviews have been pure garbage. webby, wipe out your writing crew and get some new blood in here.

anonymous 9/13/2007 3:52:53 PM

review was way to nice. these are sad times folks. -10/10.

anonymous 9/13/2007 4:21:49 PM

lolz..everything about this band is -10000/10

ballz_ 9/13/2007 4:26:00 PM

I honestly hope that was actually guy. Probably not though. Just another lambgoat gay thinking he's the shit for being slightly witty. P.s. this CD sucks

din_ 9/13/2007 4:36:47 PM

good review. no gaygy pretentious bullshit. just a description of the music and how it sounds.

Mike_ 9/13/2007 6:46:43 PM

lol

agent_friday_ 9/13/2007 7:10:05 PM

i thought this was lambgoat... when everything gets a 6-8? WHAT THE f*ck IS A DEFINITIVE REVIEW DOING HERE?

pooponyou_ 9/13/2007 7:51:55 PM

"The brilliance of Cursive's The Ugly Organ"......?

Kevin_ 9/14/2007 12:10:03 AM

Cory's score of this album: 8/10

tommy_ 9/14/2007 12:49:42 AM

"the f*cking cover art looks like the latest Goosebumps novel..." that was the truth. and this band is shitty as hell.

phobophile_ 9/14/2007 1:53:42 AM

great f*cking review. i lost a lot of respect for BMA when i found out they signed this absolute shit band.

thereapersson_ 9/14/2007 10:37:51 AM

LOL, OWNED

anonymous 9/14/2007 12:53:55 PM

Good review, it actually tells me why this record sucks and what it sounds like. I've been thinking the same thing about Horse the Band for years.

david_ 9/14/2007 1:23:53 PM

whats with all these psuedo grind/deathcore bands coming out??

anonymous 9/14/2007 8:55:04 PM

this review was excellent!

TheOrgan_ 9/15/2007 9:36:30 AM

Album of the year you pussies!

swampthang_ 9/15/2007 6:34:25 PM

At least its better than Destroyer Destroyers nu grind album

unitedninetytree_ 9/15/2007 6:52:18 PM

10/10 review lol/10 band/album

David_ 9/15/2007 8:08:23 PM

Bullshit review. You have to give this band some credit.

yikes_ 9/17/2007 10:25:04 PM

wow. Better than Destroyer Destroyer? that is sad if you truely think that....

frank_ 9/21/2007 1:54:30 AM

holy f*ck I lol'd so many times reading this review.

chas_ 9/23/2007 2:34:32 PM

BETTER THAN DESTROYER DESTROYER? you sir, are the biggest idiot on planet earth if you think this key-core crap is better than littered with arrows. have you even heard their past ep and splits?

killscenesters_ 10/1/2007 4:07:24 AM

I'd really like to bullets in all the gays who write 'first post'. Like thats cool or some shit. You really shoot your goo off to that shit don't you jerks.

smokey682_ 10/6/2007 12:09:43 AM

i liked this cd. this not amazing but i dont think it deserved this bad of a review.

xAaronx_ 2/28/2008 4:20:35 PM

2 is even giving this band to much credit.

yuckfou_ 4/2/2008 6:50:09 AM

2/10? thats complete bull shit. it just proves how jealous some people really are. obivouslly they have talent if they get signed. they dont try to be grind at all. they know they arent grind. they are ust having fun and making the music they want. just because it doesnt sound like every typical shitty tough guy band doesnt mean its shit. please stop forming bands liek this? what other band sounds like this? not many if not none at all. please f*ck off and die. worthless piece of shit.