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Tim Lambesis: no friendship with AILD bandmates

Friday, May 16, 2014 4:34 PM PT
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If you read our news item earlier today regarding the sentencing of As I Lay Dying vocalist Tim Lambesis, you may have missed the link to an extensive interview Lambesis conducted prior to his sentencing with our buddy Ryan Downey and Alternative Press. Among the many interesting things revealed was Lambesis' description of his relationship (or lack thereof) with his AILD bandmates. Here are some of the relevant exchanges:

Did anyone from As I Lay Dying come to see you?
No. Well, Jordan [Mancino, drummer] came by once. We talked for a little bit. It was really emotional and we never got anywhere. He was here for maybe 30 minutes. We just scratched the surface. I thought he would come back, but he never did. Maybe he thought I was nuts.

I was sitting around doing nothing but thinking. I wanted someone to talk to. I can't talk about my court case. I can't talk about this or that. So I'm going to start a book club, more or less. "Here's what I've been reading. What are your thoughts?"

...

So you talked with Jordan. You didn't hear from anybody else from AILD?
Jordan did return my phone call. The other [band] guys didn't return my calls when I first came home. I eventually did speak with Nick [Hipa, guitarist], really briefly. I mean, really briefly. In both cases, we never got to the details. I thought they were establishing communication, as if we'd eventually be able to talk about all of these things. But then it was almost like there was some sort of group thinking going on. It was like they all decided, collectively, not to talk to me. They cut off all communication. I sent a very long, very formal apology to all of them, trying to make amends, acknowledging how heavily my actions had impacted their lives. I got no response, so I sent another one out.

In the second one, I was just like, "Look, I know I don't deserve forgiveness. But I just want to begin this process…" I got really brief responses from Nick and Jordan, acknowledging they had received it. Jordan said everybody just needed more time and that I was kind of hassling them, like, "leave us alone." So I just stopped bothering them. The last email I sent was just like, "Guys, I'm not looking for a business opportunity, or to make everything okay so we can make more records together. I just considered you guys friends for a long time…" I just wanted to reach out on a friendship level. What I really needed during this difficult time were my friends. I thought they just needed more time. These emails were spread out. The last one was like nine months after I was arrested.

Looking back, I did a poor job of respecting their wishes, letting them speak when they're ready. I kept trying to reach out. I made things worse. I take responsibility for that. I realize six months is a short period of time for some people, but for a guy sitting at home by himself on house arrest… [ Laughs.] I was living in my own bubble.

People choose their friends. They were in a band with me because I was a meal ticket. It was an opportunity for them to make a good income. We were business partners. They made it clear there's no concern for me on a personal level. And that's actually okay. The person I was wasn't somebody worth being concerned about, to be honest. The person I was in the last six months or so before my arrest, I wouldn't be friends with that person. I don't take it personally. But it doesn't make it any less sad. It's sad to think of all that time put into those relationships and now there's no personal concern, no friendship.

It's a great interview, and if you're into the whole Lambesis saga, it's a must-read.



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