NewsMarch 3, 2011 12:45 PM ET5,030 views

Vital Remains seeks lead guitarist, drummer

Providence, Rhode Island death metal band Vital Remains is currently in search of both a lead guitarist and a drummer. The following requirements have been put forth: "Good gear and good attitude. Must have valid passport, valid drivers license, and clean criminal record! If you are chosen you must relocate to Rhode Island. No Acceptions! Must be able to tour anytime, anywhere, without question. NO Druggies, Junkies, Pot Heads, Burnouts, Lazy, Need Not Apply! Also, no dead beats with there hands out need apply as well! (Team Players only) We are looking for a long term dedicated musicians who wants to work hard." Here are the audition instructions: "Please make a video of yourself playing solos off the songs "Icons of Evil" and "Dechristianize." Also include a bio, CD and a list of anything you might have done in the past. If we like what we see, you will be contacted and asked to come out for a live audition. You will be responsible for covering your own flights and living costs while you are here." Interested parties are to send an email here.


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maclyn 3/3/2011 9:50:09 AM

Exceptions derp

phobophile 3/3/2011 10:05:55 AM

Vital Remains seeks new band

designedlikedice 3/3/2011 10:14:55 AM

No acceptions? Then why bother making an ad...

liferuinerjailbait 3/3/2011 10:20:22 AM

didn't they post this last year?

ed_money 3/3/2011 10:38:13 AM

Please be willing to not only foot-the-bill on all fronts but don't ask for anything and be ready to deal with the worst music of all time.

okarma 3/3/2011 10:52:54 AM

No acceptions. So they aren't going to accept anybody?

LoydChristmas 3/3/2011 10:53:32 AM

Good because I drove around all day and theres not a single job in this town. There is nothing. Nada. Zip.

spread____em 3/3/2011 10:56:50 AM

potential bandmate must not like to have fun, this includes moving to rhode island

John_McClane 3/3/2011 11:03:28 AM

they should get the devil to come play drums AND guitars. HAIL SATAN!

the_smile_that_kills 3/3/2011 11:03:31 AM

didn't they do this last year? or like 2 years ago?

Brett_ 3/3/2011 11:26:51 AM

Must supply own samurai gear to wear at shows.

Hate_Goat 3/3/2011 11:32:06 AM

Nobody could ACTUALLY want to do this.

al_czervik 3/3/2011 11:36:12 AM

lol, no druggies, junkies, potheads or burnouts. this is metal dammit!

VIRUS_DOT_EXE 3/3/2011 11:41:14 AM

lol, this is the worst shit ive ever seen. fck these guys.

bringer_des_blutes 3/3/2011 11:43:19 AM

yea these guys sound like complete gays. no wonder the previous members left.

whereiswaldo 3/3/2011 11:48:18 AM

designedlikedice 3/3/2011 10:14:55 AM No acceptions? Then why bother making an ad... ^^THIS

stooooopid 3/3/2011 12:13:20 PM

ed_money 3/3/20 Please be willing to not only foot-the-bill on all fronts but don't ask for anything and be ready to deal with the worst music of all time<<<this.

cokietheclown 3/3/2011 12:31:32 PM

What glen benton and Dave Suzuki aren't available?

hatredoftheliving 3/3/2011 2:19:56 PM

Must be willing to play 8 minute songs with gratuitous amounts of sweep picking and protooled double bass.

princessleia 3/3/2011 3:44:35 PM

acceptions? really?

iatemygoat 3/3/2011 10:44:03 PM

i hate to be THAT GUY hatredoftheliving, but i heard the drummer on dechristianize played everything slower then sped it up later. i think he played guitar too?

nathandhardy999 3/3/2011 11:58:56 PM

Comments section must be filled with dumb fcks not knowing what the fck they're talking about.

tomdelay 3/4/2011 12:21:28 AM

HAHAHA...there hands...I'm glad you guys don't do drugs or anything

fukuimdrunk 3/4/2011 12:23:54 AM

I know this robot Johnny 5...

HizzMajesty 3/4/2011 8:51:07 AM

no drugs... that's why the drummer and guitarist left.

saint_wanger 3/4/2011 8:51:24 AM

Won't help you financially with relocating your life, can't have any fun they make this REALLY appealing.

WUTWUTWUT 3/4/2011 9:51:44 AM

this band ripped me off once

obscure 3/4/2011 10:29:23 AM

this band offered to sell me a macbook 2 years ago in exchange for pot seeds...still waiting on the macbook

maskake 3/4/2011 10:34:01 AM

wow, that all sounds like a really convenient way to join a really shitty band. People with actual lives need not apply.

bastardyouth 3/4/2011 11:11:18 AM

nursing homes in rhode island give a fck.

ohhdearr 3/4/2011 11:36:51 AM

Act now and relocate your entire life (at your expense) to play in a shitty death metal band! No drugs, fun, free rides, or lessons in grammar.

NoWhereNear 3/4/2011 2:53:57 PM

This band is only one dude.. and that dude sucks

julianassange 3/5/2011 4:24:58 PM

this band takes their guarantee and leaves before they play. bad dudes. and yes the drums on dechristianize were sped up. bullshiiiit.

DaveClinch 3/5/2011 9:54:08 PM

Glad to see this piece of shit band falling to pieces. Break up already.

rabbit_belt 3/7/2011 2:43:50 AM

fans of throwdown will be accepted

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