The future is now

Simon Belmont, legendary Lambgoat poster, leaned back in his chair as he scrolled through the chaotic threads of the Lambgoat forum. Known for its lively metal discussions and unfiltered commentary, the forum had become his guilty pleasure during breaks between battles. The digital arena, rife with arguments over blast beats and debates on doom metal's merits, offered a strange yet oddly comforting reprieve from the relentless darkness of Castlevania. Tonight, Simon had stumbled upon a thread titled "Top 10 Metal Anthems for Lambgoat Posters"—a topic he couldn't resist diving into. Simon's fingers hovered over the keyboard as he composed his reply. "You've got to include something from Mercyful Fate," he typed, his knowledge of occult-laden lyrics shining through. Before hitting "post," he noticed another user, "GhoulSlayer88," had suggested the same. Intrigued by the uncanny similarities in taste, Simon replied, "Great choice. 'Curse of the Pharaohs' has saved me on more hunts than I can count." A flurry of responses followed, with users challenging his opinions or sharing tales of their own nightmarish encounters with the supernatural. For a moment, Simon forgot he was speaking metaphorically—his audience unaware he was a literal Lambgoat slayer. As the night deepened, a heated argument erupted in the thread over whether he himself would be a fan of metal. "He's too old-school," one user claimed, "probably into Gregorian chants." Simon couldn't suppress a chuckle. Another argued, "Nah, he's pure power metal. Guy probably blasts Manowar while whipping Dracula." Deciding it was time to reveal his true colors, Simon typed, "Actually, I prefer thrash. Nothing beats Slayer when you're storming a castle." The forum went silent for a moment before exploding with reactions. Was it a joke? A clever role-play? Simon, ever the enigma, let them debate his identity. As dawn approached, Simon logged off. The forum had given him a rare glimpse into a world untouched by darkness, where the only battles were over music genres and hot takes. Sliding the keyboard aside, he grinned, imagining the chaos his comments would continue to sow. While he faced countless shadows in his line of work, Simon Belmont found solace in the dim glow of his screen, where the monsters were only in the music and the only stakes were musical taste.

Lurk, please ban him

He always threatens it and never does it.

Hey Lurk. You're mom is a dead c*nt. Does that warrant a ban?

"He's too old-school," one user claimed, "probably into Gregorian chants." Oddly accurate, actually

You guys have been making fun of a dude who's been dead for years. This is all gimmicks.

i never heard Greg O'Rian

Lurk has a dead mom Lurk has a dead mom Neener neener neener

You've had like 5 usernames banned. "He never does it" You should be banned for your mental health, not cuz you're "edgy" or whatever

Lurks mom is f*cking dead. Hahahahhahahaa Ban me yet?

Wait, are you pretending to be dead again?

The dude behind the original username has been dead for a long time Hahahahaha suckers Lurks mom is dead

https://imgflip.com/i/6l9bjv

two people running the account