Lamb of God frontman Randy Blythe accidentally burnt his penis
There are moments of extreme physical pain in some of our lives that we will never, ever, forget. Tonight I had one of those moments. The sun was setting and it was beautiful evening as I road along the coast to the grocery store, still in my surf trunks and sipping on a fresh mug of boiling hot black coffee. I was listening to some mellow piano music and making a right turn when I made the tragic mistake placing the mug between my barely covered legs. As I turned my truck, happily humming along to the mellow piano music on my stereo, suddenly there was a searing white hot explosion of agony in my crotch. The lid of my mug had come loose, and liquid caffeinated FIRE had covered my, well...it had covered my penis.
I briefly lost control of my truck, swerving into the lane of oncoming traffic, barely missing another truck, before quickly pulling into a nearby parking lot to try and make some sense of this atrocity I had committed against myself. I felt like I was going to throw up for a good minute or two, then I regained control and started returning home to do what I knew what I had to do. I had to put him on ice.
I do not normally talk to my penis, he does not have a nickname or anything like that, but if there ever was a time for encouraging words to my lifelong companion, it was now. The words I said out loud to him as I painfully drove us slowly home went along these lines: OH GOD, DUDE. OH MY GOD, THAT HURT LIKE HOLY FUCK. HANG IN THERE DUDE. OH GOD, HANG IN THERE. WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT. DON'T GIVE UP HOPE. OH MY GOD, DUDE. OH GOD, HANG IN THERE, BRO. I must have looked like a crazy man. When I hit home, he went in a glass of ice water for a bit. He will recover, I have faith. Go ahead & laugh- everyone else I've told did, including my wife. This day is now a wash. Goodnight.
23 comments
Post Comment"Lambgoat - Harcore music and metal music news"
At least he didn't push his penis off a stage.
They have a "Burning Hand" shirt, I wonder if they will create a new design with a "Burning Dick"
They have a "Burning Hand" shirt, I wonder if they will create a new design with a "Burning Dick"
Wow, none of you new skool jabroni's did it, how about…they should stick with Burn The Penis, i mean Priest. Nerds.
Lambgoat - new of people peeing in their mouth and burning their dicks off
thats what he gets for even wanting or tryin to comment on brockies death
thats what he gets for even wanting or tryin to comment on brockies death
murderer should be in prison lucky he still has a penis to burn off. it could be worse, he could be dead like the kid he murdered.
dead serious, it happened to me a few years back while making tea. i stood shouting in a cold shower afterwards and screaming the name and number of a co worker that i knew had pain pills. solidarity bro.
anonymous posted 5 hours ago We'll dance as the phalluses burn. LOL
"Surf" trunks??? Doesn't this gary live in Virginia? Yeah man, real surf city USA there. PISS OFF
lambgoat written all over it