BlogJune 18, 2014 3:00 PM ET

Lamb of God frontman Randy Blythe accidentally burnt his penis

Lamb Of God vocalist Randy Blythe has bravely revealed that he accidentally burnt his penis last week after spilling hot coffee on his crotch. Here is his account:


There are moments of extreme physical pain in some of our lives that we will never, ever, forget. Tonight I had one of those moments. The sun was setting and it was beautiful evening as I road along the coast to the grocery store, still in my surf trunks and sipping on a fresh mug of boiling hot black coffee. I was listening to some mellow piano music and making a right turn when I made the tragic mistake placing the mug between my barely covered legs. As I turned my truck, happily humming along to the mellow piano music on my stereo, suddenly there was a searing white hot explosion of agony in my crotch. The lid of my mug had come loose, and liquid caffeinated FIRE had covered my, had covered my penis.

I briefly lost control of my truck, swerving into the lane of oncoming traffic, barely missing another truck, before quickly pulling into a nearby parking lot to try and make some sense of this atrocity I had committed against myself. I felt like I was going to throw up for a good minute or two, then I regained control and started returning home to do what I knew what I had to do. I had to put him on ice.

I do not normally talk to my penis, he does not have a nickname or anything like that, but if there ever was a time for encouraging words to my lifelong companion, it was now. The words I said out loud to him as I painfully drove us slowly home went along these lines: OH GOD, DUDE. OH MY GOD, THAT HURT LIKE HOLY FUCK. HANG IN THERE DUDE. OH GOD, HANG IN THERE. WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT. DON'T GIVE UP HOPE. OH MY GOD, DUDE. OH GOD, HANG IN THERE, BRO. I must have looked like a crazy man. When I hit home, he went in a glass of ice water for a bit. He will recover, I have faith. Go ahead & laugh- everyone else I've told did, including my wife. This day is now a wash. Goodnight.


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anonymous 6/18/2014 12:13:06 PM

lambgoat written all over it

anonymous 6/18/2014 12:13:40 PM

"Lambgoat - Harcore music and metal music news"

anonymous 6/18/2014 12:16:50 PM

So gawd damn easy to write this

anonymous 6/18/2014 12:20:09 PM

This post is about as metal as ZZ TOP

your_band_sucks 6/18/2014 12:34:21 PM

At least he didn't push his penis off a stage.

anonymous 6/18/2014 12:36:26 PM

Pics or it didn't happen

anonymous 6/18/2014 1:16:03 PM

They have a "Burning Hand" shirt, I wonder if they will create a new design with a "Burning Dick"

anonymous 6/18/2014 1:16:09 PM

They have a "Burning Hand" shirt, I wonder if they will create a new design with a "Burning Dick"

gorillatriscuits 6/18/2014 1:31:32 PM

Wow, none of you new skool jabroni's did it, how about…they should stick with Burn The Penis, i mean Priest. Nerds.

anonymous 6/18/2014 1:38:53 PM

Lambgoat - new of people peeing in their mouth and burning their dicks off

anonymous 6/18/2014 2:38:46 PM

We'll dance as the phalluses burn.

thetowerofrome 6/18/2014 2:46:06 PM


anonymous 6/18/2014 4:05:54 PM

most metal thing ever written on here. \m/

anonymous 6/18/2014 4:43:28 PM

thats what he gets for even wanting or tryin to comment on brockies death

anonymous 6/18/2014 4:43:34 PM

thats what he gets for even wanting or tryin to comment on brockies death

anonymous 6/18/2014 5:49:06 PM

As The Phalluses Burn

anonymous 6/18/2014 6:06:14 PM

murderer should be in prison lucky he still has a penis to burn off. it could be worse, he could be dead like the kid he murdered.

anonymous 6/18/2014 8:30:11 PM

dead serious, it happened to me a few years back while making tea. i stood shouting in a cold shower afterwards and screaming the name and number of a co worker that i knew had pain pills. solidarity bro.

genghisjohn 6/18/2014 8:40:53 PM

anonymous   posted 5 hours ago We'll dance as the phalluses burn. LOL

anonymous 6/19/2014 9:11:06 AM

must have had his penis in a shot glass

anonymous 6/19/2014 10:32:31 AM

Road along

anonymous 6/19/2014 12:54:00 PM

did he get it from McDonalds? he could sue

anonymous 6/23/2014 7:09:12 PM

"Surf" trunks??? Doesn't this gary live in Virginia? Yeah man, real surf city USA there. PISS OFF