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true stories? Or urban legends?

Saturday, July 3, 2004 10:29 AM PT
Obviously we all know that urban legends exist everywhere, in one form or another. There are two potential urban legends that I want to get to the bottom of right now. I figure that if some of you have heard the same stories in your geographical regions, then they are likely urban legends (especially the second one). Ok, let's go:

the Spider-hatch story
Ok, I've heard this story twice, years apart, which makes it very suspect. The first time I heard it at lunch in high school, this kid said that his aunt had been combing her hair one day and came across a weird bump on her head. She ignored it for a day or so until it started getting bigger. She was getting worried and started poking around it when... bam! The thing ruptured and dozens of baby spiders came running out. This story disgusts me.

newscaster gerbil debacle
I live near Philadelphia, so in our town many people watch the Philadelphia news channels. The evening news anchor for NBC in the late-80s reportedly was taken to the emergency room one night and had to have a gerbil extracted from his anal/colon area. Obviously such a predicament could only be the result of some bizarre sex act. Shortly thereafter, the guy left the station and began working for some national enterainment news show.

So I ask you, has someone you know told you the spider story? Has your local newscaster supposedly been to the hospital for a gerbil enema?



Comments (35) post new comment
Cory_ 7/3/2004 10:52:03 AM

Neither of these things has happened to anyone I know (although I have heard the stories somewhere) HOWEVER, everyone I know has a "cousin" or "knows a kid" who stuck a sheet of acid down their pants and now thinks he's a glass of orange juice.


jesuschristsuperstar_ 7/3/2004 11:02:35 AM

i've heard the spider story many times...i always assumed it were true. same goes for the gerbil story...only it wasn't a newscaster, just your average run of the mill, fun crazed homosexual


fuk_ 7/3/2004 11:49:48 AM

My gerbil is fine now, thanks.


davebrener_ 7/3/2004 11:53:38 AM

I have heard a variation of the Spider-Hatch story. In the version that I heard, a woman noticed a strange bump on her knee from what she assumed to be a bug bite. A day or two later, while scratching said bump, it erupted and baby spiders cam crawling out, up her leg, over her torso, and finally came to rest on her face. They then ate her.


willxcore_ 7/3/2004 11:57:45 AM

my bug story was about Taco Bell and it was about a woman who had been eating taco bell and she had an open wound in her mouth from I guess biting the inside of her cheek or whatnot. But the story goes that after eating the taco bell the following week she felt some discomfort from the sore in her mouth and went to the doctor and it wound up that a roach in the taco bell had planted eggs in her cut and she had like baby roaches in her mouth.. YUCK


wigslammer_ 7/3/2004 2:28:14 PM

lemmiwinks


metallishadows_ 7/3/2004 2:31:59 PM

I heard the spider thing only it was roach eggs.


anonymous 7/3/2004 3:03:24 PM

the gerbil story has long been going with Richard Gere, the actor from Pretty Women. Its not true. you can check all these urban legend things out at www.snopes.com


d4n_ 7/3/2004 5:10:14 PM

i saw something on tv a long time ago.. maybe back in middle school or early high school i guess some actor was filming a movie and got bit by a spider on his foot and he got a big bump on his foot, then later they discovered a spider had laid eggs in his foot, and they either had to cut it out, or it the spiders hatched out of his foot, and they had to delay shooting for a little while i've also heard a different version of the spider story, but this time some guy was cleaning his ears wit


Liftmycurse_ 7/3/2004 6:20:08 PM

I dated a girl about 10 years ago who worked at a hospital in the emergency room. She seen men with toothbrushes, dildo's, combs and about anything else you could possibly think about shoving up your ass. Therefore i believe the second story to be true.


generic_gimmick_ 7/3/2004 6:38:17 PM

Shortly thereafter, the guy left the station and began working for some national enterainment news show. John Tesh?


crap_ 7/3/2004 6:49:14 PM

south park


God_ 7/4/2004 5:12:37 AM

hey webbie. i heard about a couple who went out and left the mayonaise jar uncovered when they wet out. well long story short, they came back, guy decided to put tuna & mayo in his wife's crotch, baddabing baddaboom she's got a case of the spideyc*nts.


trapped_in_texas_ 7/4/2004 11:22:12 AM

About the spider story: I have an aunt who was a hair dresser for years, she owned her own salon. She tells this story about a guy who came in with dreads halfway down his back. He had been growing them for years and hadn't truly washed his hair in years. She said they smelled awful. The guy said he'd been having a lot of itching and pain in his scalp area, and he was worried it might be infected. My aunt had some new girl cut them off while she washed. Well, they cut off the dreads and started


trapped_in_texas_ 7/4/2004 11:45:29 AM

In that last story, I meant to say that my aunt was watching, not washing. I have more stories: I grew up in Paraguay, as many people from the board have heard me talk about in the past. Paraguay has it's share of bizarre and disgusting insects. I had heard for years that their was a moth that would lay eggs in open sores, but I neve believed it, until... So this guy I grew up with cut his foot playing soccer barefoot when we were in high school. In Paraguay, we all played soccer barefoot from


trapped_in_texas_ 7/4/2004 11:45:52 AM

Pharmacists in Paraguay can do anything short of a heart transplant. So I went with him to his uncle's Pharmacy to see what was wrong with his foot. His uncle tells him he thinks there might be a caterpillar growing inside his foot. We thought he was crazy, then he told us that certain moths really did lay eggs in open wounds, it was especially a problem in rural areas where cattle would get these moths in them all the time. Since we all lived in a big city it rarely happened where we lived. So


d4n_ 7/4/2004 7:38:55 PM

tit that story scared the shit out of me


hass_ 7/4/2004 7:59:48 PM

holy shit, that's awesome, tit.


erwhuntle_ 7/5/2004 6:35:33 AM

ok, the spider story is a little different around here. some lady was doing her bills, and licked the glue on an envelope, and cut her tongue. a few days later she had a bump on her tongue and it was really red and sore. it got bigger, she went to the doctor, he cut it open and baby roaches came out. the gerbil story is the same here, except it is about one of the 'mathis brothers' who own most of the furniture stores in this area. he was off their commercials for a while, then started to


curse_ 7/5/2004 6:04:16 PM

Richard Gere was teh only one I've heard of for the second story... However, the first one I've heard but with a bit of a twist. The one that I heard is about a guy who goes down on a chick who unknowingly has pubic lice. Well, few days later, duder gets a bump in his mouth and thinks nothing of it until he gets two more. He then goes to the doctor to see why it is that he has these bumps in his mouth. Doctor lances them and out come thousands of pubic lice.


Tom_ 7/5/2004 6:59:58 PM

Well, as for the spider story, I know that shit will lay eggs under your skin. A friend of mine was trying somewhere (Borneo?) and he got a maggot in his head. I think that you lay bacon over the hole to get it out... A the spider one is a good story, though I heard a better one. It was about a woman found dead on her toilet surrounded by hardcore lesbian porn, the toilet being full of shrimp. Seems that she had been about to cook a lobster and found that if she torched it's face with a lighter


no_cool_names_left_ 7/6/2004 1:37:58 AM

no read just reply


Andrew_KY_ 7/6/2004 10:54:30 AM

Note to Lambgoat: You should hire Trapped_in_texas to do the blogs on this site, or give him his own column. His stories have been entertaining us for years on the message board, and they are a hell of a lot more interesting than these blogs!


ghetto_paul_ 7/6/2004 12:09:49 PM

I don't know if anyone else got it, but a couple of years ago I got one of those forwarded emails with a similar story. This one goes: woman is in a bathtub using a live lobster to masterbate. She's got a lighter and is using it to get the lobster to thrash around his tail while it's in her cooch. The lobster shits in her cooch and leaves some kind of weird larvae that grow inside her. Week or two later she feels sick, goes to the bathroom and "gives birth" to thousands of tiny sea creatures. Bu


Robert Paulson_ 7/6/2004 12:19:44 PM

Yea, the spider thing happened in ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? 2 - that book ruled, anyone that thinks it happened though, should be forced to listen to ska till they die


badkarma_ 7/6/2004 3:40:00 PM

The spider story I heard, and this was from Maxim magazine, was that there was some guy, who obviously was a complete moron, and was gay, had complained about having severe abdominal pain, he then had multiple seizures and died. When they did the autopsy, they found dozens of immature black widow spiders and an empty egg sack in his colon. They also found small fragments of wood in his colon and ass, and his jerk was completely torn up. Doctors figured that he attempted to pleasure himself wi


StreetForce_ 7/6/2004 6:54:54 PM

Shortly thereafter, the guy left the station and began working for some national enterainment news show. Steve Kmetko???


shat_ 7/6/2004 8:46:02 PM

i have heard of the gerbail thing....they shave it down, stick a tube up their ass and let the thing run wild inside their colon giving them huge climaxs


solideogloria_ 7/7/2004 1:16:55 AM

these are both urban legends. they are also both unrealistic. the spider thing isn't real. there is a species of flys that do that though. i forgot the name, but what they do is bite you, lay eggs, and then the larvae are burn inside you and eventually chew your skin and leave. you can actually feel the moving right over your skin, it's nasty. i had that unfortunate condition when I went to central america. as far as the other one, it's a big urban legend it's even talked about in the movi


brad_ 7/8/2004 12:51:56 AM

What about the one with the girl in your high school that was masturbating with a hot dog. While in the throes of frankfurter extacy, the weiner broke and crawled up, way up. She had to have it surgically removed. We have all went to high school with that girl.


alcoholic_ 7/8/2004 8:58:21 AM

ok the spider story was in some really popular scary story book when i was in like middle school called scary scary stories part 2 or whatever. im pretty sure its bullshit, but also possible. as far as the gerbel thing goes the version i heard was two gays were fcking around and ended up getting this rodent lost in one of their colons, lemiwinks style. so they stuck a paper towel tube up the guys ass and lit a lighter at the end of it to try to coax the thing out. but that ended up igniting


God_ 7/10/2004 6:52:47 AM

alive bees dont scare me, but twice i accidently grabbed a dead bee and got frightened. for example i had the window down in my dads car...i was feeling the rubber water-patrol-panneling and suddenly BANG! there's a dead bee in my hand. scary. as for spiders, all spiders die. the ones with hair are the worst. so nasty.


tommy_ 7/13/2004 3:22:18 PM

I remember hearing a similiar story about this chick whose boyfriend put some tuna in her c*nt and ate it out during some kind of awkward teenage sexual experimentation. Afterward, the chick's manpleaser started hurting. She goes to the gynecologist, who finds maggots in her warm place. Apparently, Mr. Not-So-Bright didn't eat all of his tuna and the leftovers became the breeding ground for maggots. When you're 12, this sounds sick and possible. Now, it sounds like utter bullshit.


switchblade.approach_ 11/16/2004 6:54:44 PM

i heard a version o the spider story, but its a little different: this old woman from the appalacian mountains was wandering the lonely hillsides one day, and stopped to take part in some pissing. she squatted over what she didnt know was an explosive bear nest. as she let her rotting piss-gland open, the bear nest exploded, and she was filled almost to her top with bear eggs (many people call them coconuts). so yeah, like 8 months later this woman gives birth, in her hut, to like 4 bears, who s


anonymous 12/27/2014 8:28:03 PM

I actually lived in Philly when that WAS on the local news. It was actually in the early 80's.