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Austrian Death Machine Total Brutal

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Austrian Death Machine - Total Brutal
01. Hello California
02. Get to the Choppa
03. Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers
04. All of the Songs Sound the Same
05. I Am a Cybernetic Organism, Living Tissue of (Metal) Endoskeleton
06. Come With Me If You Want to Live
07. What It's Like to Be a Singer at Band Practice.
08. Who Is Your Daddy and What Does He Do?
09. You Have Just Been Erased.
10. Broo-tal Song Idea
11. Here Is Subzero, Now Plain Zero
12. So Far, So Good, So Let's Talk About It
13. Screw You (Benny)
14. Why?
15. If It Bleeds, We Can Kill It
16. It's Not a Tumor
17. Not So Hidden Track
2008 Metal Blade Records

OUR SCORE
3
Reviewed by: Nick   //   Published: 8/29/2008

Let's be honest. Every member of the hardcore and metal scene's fanbase has, at one point or another, enjoyed a bout of laughter at the expense of Arnold Schwarzenegger's pitiful acting endeavors. Those in denial are simply too embarrassed to admit that they have once taken enjoyment in the output of Hollywood's most notorious one-liner machine. It's irrefutable that Kindergarten Cop was a bad movie staple of the early 90s. Total Recall was a ludicrous masterpiece of terrible. And who hasn't chuckled at Conan punching an unsuspecting camel in the brain

Yet it doesn't take a comedy expert to point out that Arnold jokes are easily one of the most tread upon, overused, and stagnant topics for humor in the last decade or more. So when As I Lay Dying frontman Tim Lambesis unveiled a solo project titled Austrian Death Machine, a metalcore concept band based on Schwarzenegger himself, the metal world cringed, and rightfully so. Total Brutal might just be the most painfully dismal attempt at a comedy album in the history of modern music. Basing entire lyrics around Schwarzenegger quotes and singing in a fake accent are almost excusable when compared to the recurring "Ahnold" impressions strewn throughout the disc. It's like talent show night at an elementary school, only there are no camcorder-wielding parents to provide forced laughter.

It is this complete failure to achieve anything reasonably close to enjoyable humor that makes it so difficult to admit that Total Brutal actually packs in a number of solid metalcore tracks. Lambesis' unapologetically straightforward songwriting method achieves as a joke band what peers like Parkway Drive and countless others have executed in sincerity. The tracks are fast. The riffs are catchy. The breakdowns are everywhere. And the guitar solos are blazing. Sure, it's all incredibly generic and overdone, but its content effectively renders all straightforward metalcore bands useless.

Without all of the Schwarzenegger content, Total Brutal would be a very listenable, but ultimately forgettable metalcore record. But with the irritating voice impressions, worn out lyrical jokes, and overall style of pre-adolescent humor, this side project is too infuriating to be anything other than mindless garbage. Congratulations to Lambesis for displaying the dispensability of a large chunk of the current metalcore genre (which, ironically enough, includes As I Lay Dying), but a listening experience this painful boils down to just one thing: embarrassment for everyone involved.

Bottom Line: Feel free to judge Austrian Death Machine's Total Brutal by its cover. It sports a number of bland but well-executed metalcore tunes, but sacrifices all listener enjoyment by delivering an excess of comedic misses in which none of the thesaurus entries for painful can accurately depict.

Comments
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awakener_   posted 1/25/2011 8:09:55 PM
and also Total Recall totally f*cking owned! all these reviewers on this site are f*cking douches.
awakener_   posted 1/25/2011 8:06:56 PM
the metal world cringed? really? what a jackoff
shadow_   posted 8/10/2009 9:58:19 PM
Its a joke CD. Chill guys. We all know you listen to the truest, most brootal hxC and teh darkest death metal on teh planet.
KoRn_Munky_   posted 12/15/2008 12:08:42 PM
Im not sure what this dude is smoking but these guys are way metal, Id give them an 8 or 10, i mean face it, Arnold kicks ass, a METAL band about Arnold KICKS ASS. Its better then that emotional shit about cutting their wrists and crying in the corner. Besides, this guy might write reviews, but the public knows what they want, and thats more AUSTRIAN DEATH MACHINE!

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