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The following blog is solely the work of Mr. Lambgoat himself. Nothing of consequence is likely to occur here, other than the innermost thoughts of an extremely ____ individual.
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You may recall that in January we posted about a comedy sketch put together by director Richie Valdez and featuring former members of The Faceless. Well, Valdez has returned with another episide of "Valley Scums." Episode 2 once again includes ex-The Faceless members Derek Rydquist and Brandon Giffin. This time, however, they are joined by current The Faceless bassist Evan Brewer. Here's the official pitch:

If you thought Evan Brewer's performance in The Faceless' music video was phenomenal, wait til you see this. Here's episode two of "Valley Scums" for everyone to enjoy. This week has been a little too serious in the metal world so maybe this will lighten the mood, or in the very least, give an easy hate target for all you wonderful people of the internet. More episodes will come as we find time and "hone" our "craft," but being on unemployment is a full time job (I'm sure you'll understand).

And of course, the video:



Controversial Norwegian musician Varg Vikernes claims that no longer plays "metal music." I suppose this isn't a tremendously shocking revelation given the latest output from Burzum. Nevertheless, the revelation seems noteworthy considering Varg's history. Here are his remarks in context (a blog entry in which Varg describes his transition in the black metal scene):

Once upon a time I was a fan of classical music who became an Iron Maiden fan, a thrash metal fan, a death metal fan and musician and eventually a black metal musician. What drove me down that path was the melancholic atmosphere, aggression and energy of the music. I still like classical music and Iron Maiden too, in particlar their «Somewhere in Time» album, but thrash and death metal lost it's charm the moment I found something better – in 1991.

This something better was called «black metal» by Euronymous, a name he had from a Venom album, and it was something brand new at the time; it was not originally a music style, but a revolt against the commercial nature of and the lack of originality in death metal. The so-called black metal bands were supposed to all be original; they were all supposed to bring something unique and special to the scene. If they didn't they were not «true»; i. e. not worthy of the black metal label.

Darkthrone had their Satanic image; Burzum had the dark fantasy image. Mayhem had nothing to boast of at the time, they had yet to release their first proper album («Deathcrush» was absolute shit) but they had Euronymous, so they too were naturally considered to be «true». Immortal were not «true», and therefore called their music «holocaust metal» instead, out of fear of Euronymous and his reaction if they started to use the black metal label.

Darkthrone and Burzum – the only bands with an album out in early 1992 – were too successful for this to last though. As could be expected when some bands have success other bands too wanted to play this at the time new style of music – and yes, they saw this as a music style. So it became a music style, and we saw a horde of copy-cat bands coming; Emperor, Enslaved, Gorgoroth and others too began to play music very similar to the music of Darkthrone and Burzum. At first Euronymous tried to stop this, and even visited and threatened a few bands to make them stop, but naturally this was hopeless.

The scene was in turmoil, and with the success of Burzum – signed to Euronymous' label – Euronymous all of a sudden saw the opportunity to turn his poorly run business into something profitable, and he started to sign the copy-cat bands. As he saw it he secured allies in his «war» against the trendy death metal bands.

Personally I didn't like it when other bands ripped off my music style, but rather than go around and be angry over this I simply did soemthing new – again. I recorded the «Filosofem» album in early 1993 and made what was supposed to be an «anti-black metal album». I wanted to show the copy-cats that you don't all have to sound the same; you can do your own thing. Like I did.

«Naturally» this failed miserably, and all of a sudden the bands started to make music sounding just like the music on «Filosofem», and I gave up….

Ah, but naturally I was a fool; bands don't actually rip off the music of others unless they copy it; the bands who followed us were not copy-cat bands. They were just creative kids who were inspired by the music of others and who changed and even improved the music they were inspired by. Rather than feel insulted I should be proud of having inspired others to make music. Most of it very good music, I am sure. I don't really know though; I have been to foolish to ever try to listen to any of it. My mind was closed. My heart was closed.

One of the reasons for that was also that with time I saw that Burzum was not only inspiring others to make good music, it was also used or rather mis-used by the same forces who turned death metal into nihilistic shit. Black metal as a movement turned into nihilistic shit as well; all the wrong things were promoted – heavily.

Being a European at heart I naturally didn't want any part of that, so I repeatedly expressed my contempt for it all. The idea that my creative efforts and name would be used to promote a nihilistic movement was very offensive to me. And naturally I was right to feel that way.

Some times I do good things, and occasionally a string of words that makes sense might come from my lips, but most of the time I am of course the same old fool who was insulted when others liked my music back in 1992, so when I have tried to express my contempt for the twisting and perverting of black metal over the years I have failed to make it clear that I don't actually think badly of individuals who like the so-called black metal music. Why would I? We are all lost souls in a dying world, so to speak, stripped of all sprititual life and energy by the societies we live in, and left to find new spiritual life and energy on our own. We stumble, we fall and we get up again, as we progress, and black metal, although empty and hollow like most other things in this world, is actually a good gateway to the Divine Light. If nothing else black metal has been a way to find true meaning, a positive direction and new life for many.

As I see it those enthralled by the aggression, melancholy and/or harmonic atmosphere of black metal are on the way to become better, and are thus already better than the rest, and I don't want you to feel that I think badly of you when I speak badly of black metal as it is today. I don't like the black metal (or any metal) life style, but that doesn't mean I have anything against those caught in this lifestyle.

I no longer play metal music, so naturally I don't say this for commercial reasons. I just think that we get enough shit from the world we live in as it is. There is no reason to add to that load.


When it comes to the well-documented idiocy of the Westboro Baptist Church, I'm never sure whether to laugh or to cry. They are at least adept at one thing, however, and that's stirring up controversy. And I hate giving them yet another sliver of attention, which they so desperately seek, but I can't resist.

By now, you all know that Slayer guitarist Jeff Hanneman passed away yesterday. Well, it didn't take long for the fine folks at Westboro Baptist to pounce, with the following Tweet (I'm extremely hopeful that about 12,973 of their 12,982 followers pay attention for entertainment purposes). Anyway, there's really nothing else to say about it, I suppose. You all know what to do (shake your head, move on, and listen to some Slayer).


Westboro Baptist goes after Slayer's Jeff Hanneman

When Howard Jones issued his first statement last January explaining his exit from Killswitch Engage, he cited type 2 diabetes as a factor. It now seems as if that issue was indeed a big deal in Jones' life, as he recently revealed to Metal Hammer magazine that he was in a coma for three days last year due to the disease. Here's what Jones had to say:

"Finding out you're diabetic is pretty dramatic. I just started feeling weird, and then I started getting really clumsy. I fell down some stairs and broke a finger, then fell down some other stairs and broke a toe. Then I collapsed. I was in a coma for three days. They basically told me I had the highest sugar level they'd ever seen. Afterwards, they told me I had a 50/50 chance of coming out with brain damage."

Fortunately, Jones appears to have emerged relatively unscathed, and is of course now active in a new project with members of All Shall Perish and Devolved.

Although they didn't announce anything publicly, Floridian band King Conquer parted ways with lead guitarist John Byrd last month after more than five years together. Nothing unusual, I suppose, as bands lose members all of the time. Strangely, however, Byrd claims that his bandmates blew up over a minor incident and abandoned him on the side of a Texas road, forcing him to walk two hours to the nearest airport. Furthermore, he suggests that King Conquer can barely play the material from their new album live. Byrd reached out to Lambgoat to relay his side of the story:

My name is John Byrd I was in the band King Conquer (Mediaskare Records) for about five and a half years, and during that time I thought I built a brotherhood with the other members involved. Then about a month ago I was left stranded on the side of the road in the middle of Texas over a minor argument, and had to walk two hours to the airport and fly home. Being that I wrote their entire new record, and they can't play the song they released 'Novus Ordo Seclorum' or another 90% of the record live, I think that was a little stupid on their part.

So here's the whole story if anyone gives a fuck..

The night prior we were at a bar playing, and hanging out with our tour package. One of the merch guys came up to me while we were setting up. He made some jokes, so I slapped a beer out of his hand. We both laughed about it, and he even bought me a drink after our set. It wasn't a big deal and nobody was offended. Apparently if you're in an out of control 'extreme' metal band you're supposed to be in control, polite, and well behaved while preaching a political messages about not following orders and not being submissive. So the next day we get to the venue and Chris (drummer) tells me that the incident really pissed him off, and I calmly told him it wasn't a big deal nobody cared etc. Then James (singer) agreed saying he was really embarrassed. I told them both again to get over it cause it wasn't a big deal, and I'll continue being me and won't change or act fake for anyone. At that point James started shoving me around saying he wanted to 'beat my ass' because I was "disrespecting him." Now I didn't say anything disrespectful towards any of them at that point even though there's plenty to say if I wanted to. I simply told them if they don't like how I was then they could find another guitar player. Then Chris started throwing my belongings out into the street.

When people ask about what happened they respond with 'We just went our separate ways, and it was best for the band.' I guess what's best is to give your fans (that wait for months to see you) a half ass show where you play four songs, and miss most of the parts in those songs.. I know I'd be pissed I payed for that.

They can talk all the shit they want, but at the end of the day they're playing and promoting my songs and screaming/gurgling my words...

So to King Conquer, fuck you. I wrote your new album two years ago. My new material will definitely top it; especially since I don't have to write music that fits into your outdated mold. Good luck sucking the machines dick while spitting out a message that contradicts the politically correct way you handle the music industry.

Here's my Facebook if you want to stay updated on a future project, and the instrumental off '1776':




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